Swag Daddy (PutinxAmerica )
by ObeytheCupcake
Summary: But as his thoughts twirled within his skull like a mad symphony, he heard a car pull up to him, the music wasn't even in English. Worried about what it could be, he turned his head, timidly, while harsh eyes glared back at him. He saw the familiar man hold a phone toward his face while his eyes stayed glued onto the other's figure. (4 da lulzzz)


The nights had become shorter and colder, which indicated that soon, leaves would be falling off the trees and covering the ground like fall's own personal snow. Alfred had always loved the fall, but it had come much too quickly for his liking. The streets of Baltimore were always unforgiving in this time of year, but he didn't realize they were _this_ unforgiving.

And the more he walked the cracked sidewalks with what he hopes were spit stains and bubblegum on the pavement, he couldn't help but think D.C is so much better than this city. Baltimore was like the inbred cousin that they keep in the closet at the many family get together-s that the cities plan. While they're at it, they also toss in Detroit to keep it company.

Alfred's leg warmers were slipping down toward his ankles. Oh, how he was so humiliated he had to resort to this in order to pay back his debt. He couldn't believe he was doing this all by himself, either.

Yao was getting pushy for his money. His reasoning was he was picked to do a dare on Ludwig. He didn't want to do it, so if Alfred didn't pay up, it would be his problem.

Things were looking doubtful, but he still pushed on.

But putting all that aside, he kept walking, despite hearing the car's with their booming bass driving by while the occasional gunshot's roared in the distance. He knew on the east coast of Maryland that gun shots were sounded when a good time was at hands but over on the streets, you run for cover. But Alfred couldn't die, so if someone shot him, he'd play some freaky shit and not die.

He thought that was pretty neat.

His scarf was a hot pink, feathery mess that hung around his neck. He had bought it at family dollar the other day. Looking down at it, he noticed all the food that had gotten tangled in the feathers. He smiled, reaching down and took the other piece of cool ranch Dorito and pressed it to his lips and ate it. It was stale, but this was day three of living on the streets. He considered himself somewhat of a thug.

When he wasn't doing favors, he was sleeping in hotel's lobby's, waiting for the manger to either kick him out or write things on his face.

But as his thoughts twirled within his skull like a mad symphony, he heard a car pull up to him, the music wasn't even in English. Worried about what it could be, he turned his head, timidly, while harsh eyes glared back at him. He saw the familiar man hold a phone toward his face while his eyes stayed glued onto the other's figure.

T'was PUTIN.

Then, Alfred heard the music, it shouting 'Polyushka Polye'. He gulped, watching as the Russian man had pulled the window down from the passenger's side. "H-Hey…" Alfred stuttered while he leaned his hand on the window's glass. "Wanna good time?" He asked, but the man looked at him and then back to his phone.

There he said 'Siri' and some other language. Then, the phone spoke to Alfred in its female robotic voice. "Please, speak into the microphone. I do not have my transvestite."

He was confused, but got what he was trying to say. So, he leaned down toward the microphone, and repeated himself. And then, he said something else into the phone, and then, Siri translated it for him. He had said. "Get in car. I can help you."

Alfred learned not to disobey a Russian man. Well, more of don't disobey a man who goes hunting on a regular basis. When does Obama do that? None? He doesn't even know but Alfred does know that one time he caught Obama doing a line of cocaine on Sarah Palin's stomach. Bush was there, too. And it wasn't any surprise that Bill Clinton was there licking at Michelle Obama's cankles behing Obama's back.

But Alfred's good at keeping secrets.

Then, he spoke in Russian once again. "I hear you need money?" he said. Alfred nodded his head. "I help." The microphone said.

Alfred didn't know what to do. His phone had gotten stolen the first ten minutes he was in Baltimore so he couldn't get out his and communicate on his own. And he could've sworn Putin knew English. Who knows? But Alfred managed to tap on his shoulder, causing him to pass the phone back to him. Then, Alfred said "How did you know where I was?"

Putin looked at him oddly before speaking back into the microphone. It translated to "Putin is the all-seeing eye; I know all. Your clothes off point. You look like Ex-wife."

"Uh…." Alfred mumbled when he felt Putin take off his shirt and look down at Alfred's chest.

He spoke into the translator once again. "You breastfeeding child?"

"No!" Everyone knew that word in any language.

Putin nodded his head, speaking once again. "Sorry for saying. Do you need a daddy?" He passed the phone to Alfred.

"A daddy?" Putin nodded his head.

But then he remembered that this wouldn't translate into English well, so he decided to speak once again. He said 'Sleng angliyskiy shlyukhi poymet'. Alfred didn't know what he had said, but all he recognized was 'Slang'. But then, Putin got something, and said. "Do you need a swag daddy?"

"A what?"

Putin scrolled down the page a bit more, and gasped excitedly once he saw something that Alfred would be more familiar with. "Pimp. You's make's more of the moneys."

Alfred wasn't too sure, but he knew that people with pimps in this line of business tend to get more money. And so far, all Alfred received for payment for his dick sucking skillz was shoe lace and a bag of ecstasy tablets.

Speaking of which, he dug in his pocket to see if he had anymore. But much to his dismay, he might have given them to the cashier at the 7-11 down the road for a pack of starburst.

Alfred looked up at him, this was the only way he could pay Yao his money back in a two weeks. If he didn't cough up 1.3 trillion dollars in that time, he would make Alfred go up to Ludwig and pants him. He didn't want to do that because he would assume that at that point, Ludwig would make him play with his all German sausage (okay, some Italian too.) and he didn't want that.

He was out of options at this point, so he nodded his head, making Putin smile widely. He then dug into his wallet, grabbed some money and gave it to Alfred.

He got so excited! Putin had given him a five and ten one's! That means that's fifteen dollars off of 1.3 trillion dollars. "Thanks, Mr. Putin!" Alfred said, counting all the money.

Alfred was so going to pay Yao back! He could feel it!


End file.
